Women in Negotiation

“Ty Gitou?”

A young woman stood in the doorway of Tyler’s office. Tyler came out from behind his desk to greet her.

“Yes, hello. I am Tyler Gitou. How can I help you?”

“My name is Janice Lumere. My friend Kevin Delclinchy is in sales with the company. He said you were the Deal Whisperer and you might be able to give me some advice on how to become a better negotiator.”

“I’d be delighted to speak with you,” Tyler said. “Please sit down. What are the issues you are dealing with?”

Janice sat in one of two chairs in front of Tyler’s desk. Tyler sat in the one next to her.

“Well, nothing just yet. I just got a job in the sales group and wondered if you had any advice on how to talk with potential clients. Most of the people I am working with are older and usually they are…”

“Male.” Tyler said. He smiled. “Let me compliment you on two points. First, your ability to recognize the fact that there is a difference between men and women in how they sell and negotiate. As much as we try to convince ourselves that we are all equal, women truly do have more hurdles to overcome when negotiating with men and other women. Second, your desire to address and overcome the problem. For someone so early in her career you are showing great maturity in taking action to resolve issues that might limit your success. Many young professionals believe that when they ask for help it is a sign of weakness. In fact, it is a sign of strength when you leverage others’ skills and knowledge to make an organization more successful.”

“Thank you,” Janice said. “Kevin spoke highly of you and I can already see why. So what are the differences and what can I do to address them?”

“There are many and we can’t cover them all in one conversation. But let me give you a start. First, when I say the word ‘negotiation’ what adjectives pop into your head?”

Janice thought a moment. “Difficult; confrontational; demanding…”

“And why do you have that perception when you think about negotiation?”

“Because I need to win and the other side wants to win and I have to overcome some overly aggressive male in order to succeed.”

“And what if you can’t overcome this challenging man?”

“I guess I have to hold my ground as long as I can and then in the end give in for the relationship.”

Tyler laughed. “That’s perfect. You have articulated a universal perception many young women and men have about negotiation. The difference is in what women and men typically view as the ideal outcome of that ‘competition’. The studies I have read on this topic say that women are challenged by a cultural barrier that causes them to believe that negotiation is confrontational. Because women generally focus more on relationship they often won’t counter an offer or ask for more because it might create a negative perception of them as ‘difficult” or ‘pushy’ thereby hurting the relationship. Their negotiation style then often runs from ‘compete’ to ‘accommodate’. Make a demand to get some movement but stop and concede before it might hurt the relationship.”

“That all resonates with me. I feel like I have been through that scenario. So what do I do about it?”

“Come see me next week and we will discuss two elements a Deal Whisperer uses to build a collaborative sales and negotiation environment: legitimacy and perceptions. If we focus on those two first, you will soon find yourself a more confident salesperson and negotiator.”

(See "Women in Negotiation Part 2.")
 http://dealwhisperers.blogspot.com/2011/11/women-in-negotiation-part-2.html

But Do They Trust You?

Tyler Gitou stood at the front of the conference room pointing to a list of the client’s executives.

“Does this list accurately reflect all of the people within the client that you work with daily?” he asked.

Verdi and Virginia, the two executives sitting at the conference table, nodded.

“Yes, and most of the time we are working with Carol, the chief procurement officer,” said Verdi. “She negotiates most of the deals for the client. We have tried to be more collaborative and less positional with her, but so far it has not worked.”

“How good is your relationship with Carol?” Tyler asked.

Virginia answered first. “It’s very good. We do a lot of work for their company and have been a materials supplier for about 10 years,” she said. “Carol always calls me when there is a bid open for more work.”

“That’s good,” Tyler said. “But the fact that you have had a lot of business transactions with a client does not define the relationship. It simply means they have found your services satisfactory. Separate the transactions from the relationship. How would you describe the relationship?”

“Very positive,” said Verdi. “We talk a lot about our families and how things are going. I feel we’re on the same page with her.”

“Being able to have a friendly conversation is always a good thing,” Tyler said. “But I can have those types of conversations with the guy at the coffee shop. Let me put it a different way: do you trust her?”

“Trust?” Virginia asked. “Well, I don’t know if I’d use that strong a word. She has integrity but she has to look out for her company’s interests first.”

“Fair enough.” Tyler said. “Does she trust you?”

Virginia and Verdi paused. “I think she does…” Verdi started.

“What have you done to earn her trust?” Tyler asked.

Another pause. “What do you mean?” Virginia asked.

“A Deal Whisperer builds a collaborative relationship with another party by first building a foundation of trust.” Tyler said. “Collaboration requires the parties to open up and provide transparency into their businesses so the other party can see what options might improve the value of the deal. Without trust, the parties will never get to the level of candid and open discussion required to maximize the value of a deal.”

“So how do we build trust?” Verdi asked.

“Develop a trust action plan,” Tyler said. “Bring your team together and coach them on behavior that focuses on mutual success, not just success for you. When you make commitments, keep them. When you make mistakes, acknowledge them. Build a track record that demonstrates you are striving to be a trusted business partner, not just another supplier. The higher the level of trust you have with those with whom you negotiate, the higher the level of collaboration and return you will both get from the deal.”

When the Process Hurts the Substance

“I’m afraid that’s the end of our hour together,” Peter said to Tyler Gitou. “If you could get back to me on those points by tomorrow, I’d appreciate it.”

“Peter,” Tyler said quietly, “I can certainly get a response to you by tomorrow. But it won’t be a very informed response because there is not enough time to get all the information I need. Can I send you the material on Thursday instead? That way I can give you a better response.”

Peter thought for a moment and then nodded his head. “Yes, that would be OK.”

“Terrific,” Tyler said. “And after you have a chance to review it, could we schedule two hours for our next meeting? I don’t feel we are making enough progress in the hour we meet each week. I am mindful that you are trying to sign this deal before the end of the quarter.”

Peter shrugged. “That sounds fine. Let’s plan on two hours next Tuesday.”

The parties stood, shook hands and left the room. Tyler and Verdi got into the elevator.

“Mr. Gitou, why did you make such a big deal about the time?” Verdi asked. “You know they get very upset when we don’t follow the process.”

“The same process does not work for every deal, Verdi,” Tyler said. “Peter has made it clear that his primary interest is getting this engagement closed by the end of March. I mapped out all that both parties need to do in the next six weeks and we can’t meet that deadline using their process. We will miss something.”

“Miss something?”

“Yes, Verdi,” Tyler said. “This is a complex deal and both parties have a lot of details to review. What will happen is we will discover with two weeks left how much has to get done, we will rush, and we will miss something. The process of a negotiation can be as important as the substance, and poor planning of the process can impact the quality of the deal.”

“I agree, but how do you get a party that says, ‘This is the process to follow” to change?” Verdi asked.

“Talk about the outcomes and options and let the parties choose,” Tyler said. “Map out the process with your own team, reach a conclusion on the expected outcome, and then share it with the other party. Ask them whether they would like to follow the current process for a sub-optimal outcome, or a different process for a better outcome.”

“So you negotiate how to negotiate?” Verdi asked.

“Exactly,” Tyler said. “A Deal Whisperer knows that a good negotiation is a collaborative event. Presumably the parties share a common goal: to get to the best possible deal for both sides. If one side says, ‘I think the process we are following is going to impact our outcome’ then the other party should listen. Ideally, the parties would agree in advance on a jointly-developed process that drives to the best outcome. Establish the process before discussing substance. But if you don’t have the chance to do that up front, look for an opportunity to raise the issue so the process does not hurt the substance.”

"What Are We Doing?" Setting Goals in Negotiation

One of the most fundamental errors negotiators make when trying to address a new issue or solve a problem is failing to establish with the other party the goal of the negotiation. On its face it sounds ridiculous. After all, how could two parties come together and never share with each other what they are trying to accomplish? Would two people get into a car to begin a trip without discussing where they are going? Of course not. Imagine the driver heading south to Philadelphia while the passenger is holding a map of Boston! Would the passenger wait until she was standing in front of the Liberty Bell to say, "I thought we were going to Boston!"? Or would the topic come up when she saw signs for Philadelphia?

Parties in a negotiation can be going in different directions and never even realize it. The outcome is they negotiate their way to a compromise, halfway to their respective goals: New York! Neither one is satisfied because neither ended up where they hoped to be.

Consider the story of the entrepreneur and the investor. The negotiations appear to be about the investor trying to buy one of the entrepreneur's businesses. But for some reason the entrepreneur doesn't seem willing to agree to any of the multiple options on valuation, compensation or transition. In fact it feels like the entrepreneur doesn't even want to sell!

Maybe it's time for the parties to discuss whether or not they understand each other's goals.

Investor: "We seem to be struggling to close out some of these issues and I thought maybe we should stop and spend a moment to make sure we both still want to do this deal. Could you share with me what this deal means for you and why you are interested in doing it?"

Entrepreneur: "Well, frankly, when I told people I was interested in selling the company I hadn't expected things to move so quickly. My real goal was to raise money by the sale of this company to fund some of the other companies I am trying to grow."

Investor: "I don't get the sense you want to sell this company."

Entrepreneur: "As we've gone along, I have to say I am having second thoughts. This was my first company and it's kind of my baby."

Investor: "Well what if we shaped the deal differently? My goal was to purchase your company to get access to your technology for the industries I am focused on. What if we did a licensing deal instead? License me the technology so I can go after those markets that you don't seem interested in."

Entrepreneur: "Now that is interesting because I would be able to raise the money I need without selling the business or creating a competitor in my space."

Maybe the parties had started their journey with a common goal. But the investor, staying focused on what the entrepreneur was saying and how he was reacting to the brainstorming, recognized something had changed. The delicate part was finding the right way to ask the entrepreneur to share his goals. Once they started that dialogue, it became clear quickly that the goal was no longer a shared one and the parties needed a new plan: let's go to Chicago!

Poor communication is the single leading cause of issues that arise in a negotiation because the parties are often afraid to talk openly with one another. Positional negotiators are especially prone to this behavior because they fear that sharing information might give the other party some advantage, like finding out what they really want. Ask yourself how one party is supposed to help the other party get what they want if that party won't share what it wants! Positional negotiators simply state that they want X without any explanation of why they want X or how X will help their business.

As a Deal Whisperer, start your negotiations by trying to understand the outcomes of the other party and what you hope to accomplish. Brainstorm on other options that might achieve those objectives. Be open about your own goals as a way of modeling the type of dialogue you'd like to have. Once the parties have articulated their respective goals and see where their interests overlap, the journey to "done" becomes clear.