“We’re glad you’re here. We need a tough negotiator.”
I have heard that opening line a few times in my career and,
frankly, I don’t know what it means to be “tough” as a negotiator. People mistakenly
believe that when dealing with a difficult party the answer is to be “tough” in
response. I have always found the right strategy for dealing with challenging business people is to be inquisitive, understanding and grounded. Build a shared goal and
develop a sense of trust. Trust gets deals done, not muscle.
The key is being able to assess a situation and develop a
strategy to build that trusted relationship. Every deal is different because
the people, personalities and problems are different. This is how I learned
that old, often-quoted saying is wrong: The strong don’t survive. At least, not
without the ability to change the direction and allocation of strength.
In my experience, the adaptable survive. In fact, if you’re
highly adaptable you don’t just survive, you thrive. A lot of “strong”
companies are being upended or going out of business because of the technical innovations
of the last 25 years. The ones that can adapt to change are still thriving.
Adaptability in sales and negotiation means being able to
adjust your attitude and communication style for the right balance of relationship and substance,
depending the deal.
When I am negotiating to buy or sell a house or a car, I am
positional. My goal is to sell for as much as I can or buy for as little as I
can. Relationship is not as important as I don’t expect to have an ongoing
relationship with someone once I buy their house and they move.
When I am negotiating for vacation, I am personable. If my
wife and I are trying to agree on where to go for a holiday, I don’t approach
it with a need to “win” in the negotiation. I need to focus on relationship, be
amenable to her ideas and mutually agree on where we will go. If I negotiate “tough”
and get my way, I likely will be on vacation by myself!
When negotiating for a large, complex technology deal with a
client, I am collaborative. The goal is to solve the client’s problem, meet its
operational needs or maybe deliver a new system. I can’t treat it like selling
a house because the relationship does matter. A lot. We are going to be working
together for a few years so we need to build our relationship. I can’t treat it
as if the issues are non-material, like a vacation. The client has legitimate
needs and concerns and so do I.
In the end, the deal has to meet the client’s
interests or else the effort is wasted; and I need to push for my interests so
the deal is successful for me, my team and my firm. Being “strong” or “tough”
won’t get me to a mutually beneficial outcome. The ability to assess, adjust
and execute enables us to succeed.
