You are about to sign a deal after weeks of intense
negotiations. The client, before picking up the pen, says to you, “I just got a
call from the CEO and he said he wants another 10 percent off the price before
I sign.” What do you say?
More importantly, how do you feel? This moment, that was to
represent the culmination of months of work, is suddenly spoiled by an 11th
hour demand for a concession. Doesn’t this somehow feel… unfair?
We have all encountered that moment in our professional and
personal lives when someone asks for something and we feel like they are taking
advantage of us. Most people go through a rapid cycle of emotions: anger and
frustration, then analysis and rationalization, so that they talk themselves
into saying “yes” to the demand “for the relationship,” “for the good of the
deal” or “to keep the peace in the family.”
This is a negotiation ailment called “accommodation” and
even senior business executives fall victim to it. But there is one word that
can provide the cure: Legitimacy. Among the seven elements in a negotiation,
Legitimacy is perhaps the most powerful because it serves as the baseline for
whether a deal is good for both parties. Legitimacy is what triggers our
“fairness antennae” and makes us pause in our response.
The way to use Legitimacy in our negotiations is simple and,
once done a few times, becomes quite empowering. When the other party, whether
it’s a CEO or your mother, says “this is what I want,” pause and cycle through
your emotions. This time, instead of saying, “Well, OK if that will make you
happy,” challenge the Legitimacy of the request. Say something like, “I hear
what you’re asking for and please help me understand why that’s fair.”
Introducing the notion of “fairness” into the exchange has a
powerful emotional impact on people. The notion of “fairness” is built into us
from childhood; to play fair and to treat other people fairly. So when you
challenge the Legitimacy of a request by asking someone to justify its
fairness, it sends the other party into an emotional cycle of trying to balance
the behavior in making the request against the moral compass of “fairness.”
What you now have is an opportunity to work out
a solution that both of you will find acceptable. You will feel empowered that
you healed yourself of your accommodating behavior and have begun a journey to
being a truly disciplined negotiator.
